I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
