Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
