his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
