Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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