Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just blew my weed a kiss
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
