you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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