just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
