dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
