So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
