I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
