but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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