Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
