I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize