he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
These tits shall not be calmed
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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