Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Congratulations! We have a period
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
