I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
