Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Randomize
