My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
