True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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