fuck your aforementioned shoe
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
