her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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