my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
