i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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