u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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