As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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