OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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