Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
