The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
