My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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