thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
