There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
