The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
