The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Randomize
