There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Randomize
