one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
