Plan B is the new Plan A
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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