yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
In other news, I just burned my penis
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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