Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
