I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
