Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
