Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
