Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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