Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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