you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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