I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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