Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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