Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
