How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
