moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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