You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
