hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
