hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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