Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I pour the whiskey from now on
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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