He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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