we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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