and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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