"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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