Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
They took my balls.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
