Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
