I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
