never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
