Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
