I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
