if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
