it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
literally had 100 drinks last night.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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