WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize