He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
