Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
