i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
