I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
