I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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