He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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